Grief is a very interesting thing. Grief is the process by which we come to terms with loss. You don’t grieve unless you have an attachment. We don’t grieve over a stranger we don’t know. We don’t grieve over someone we’re not connected to. We grieve when we lose something we’re attached to.
So, grief is quite interesting. It goes through several stages. The first stage is just shock – “I can’t believe this has happened.” The first thing she experienced was tremendous shock. She would look at her boy – “I can’t believe that this is happening.”
Following on after shock, the next sensation or emotion that people feel is great anger. Something’s been taken from me and people often feel very angry. They don’t know who to be angry at. So the next phase of grief often consists of blaming, or bargaining. Trying to find a way through it all.
So when people are in grief, they can be in shock, they can’t really admit something’s happened, or they may be very angry, or they may be blaming someone, or trying to find a way they can work their way out of the situation. The next stage of grief is depression or sadness. A lot of weeping. Finally, the person comes to a place of acceptance, and they adjust their life to the change. So that is the process of grief.
People can feel many of those emotions all in the couple of hours. To some people, they never let go of their grief. They never deal with grief properly. So they get locked into grief. Some of you here tonight are locked into grief. There’s a deep grief sitting in your heart, and it’s caused for different ones, by different things.
Perhaps some of you are grieving because someone you were very close to has died. Maybe a mother or maybe a father. They meant so much to you. So there’s a deep grief because they’re no longer in your life.
People grieve when there’s a divorce. Children who’ve been through a divorce carry immense grief because they’ve literally lost a parent, or lost both parents. They’re caught in a battle between the two. They become very angry, angry at everyone, not realising they’re suffering grief.
When people lose a hope or a dream, something they planned for, and suddenly it’s taken away. They’ve been looking forward to this promotion – suddenly, someone else gets it, and grief comes. They’re looking forward to some dream being fulfilled, and it’s totally taken away.
The grief can be immense. If grief is not dealt with, we can grieve all our life, and remain angry all our life, and continue to blame people all our life. But the real root of the problem is unresolved grief.
I remember I prayed for a woman recently and she was very angry. I said: “Well, what are you angry at?” She really didn’t know. She had no idea what she was angry at, she’s angry at everything. I said: “Well, you started being angry somewhere.” I tracked back, and I found out that her father had abandoned the family when she was quite young. She became deeply attached to her mother and then her mother died unexpectedly.
I said: “You’re still grieving over the loss of your mother. You became deeply attached to your mother, and she literally became an idol in your life – a substitute for God. When what was an idol in your life was taken away, you’re left very angry.” When things we depend on, things which are idols in our life are removed, or they fail, people grieve and become very angry. They grieve because they were attached, and something’s been taken away.
So it could be a person. It could be a dream. It could be someone you were attached to. It could be a loss in an accident or death. Could’ve been a divorce. People grieve when they’ve been abused. One of the problems you find with people who’ve been abused, whether sexually or physically or even verbally and emotionally, is they suffer great grief.