It's such an insidious spirit, that it creeps in. That's why, when you start to get an understanding of this, you want to be under authority; you want to be in alignment, because you understand what's at stake. Understanding that it's about a kingdom, and that kingdoms have an order and a governance, and the anointing flows within the boundaries of that governance. The moment you remove the boundaries of God's order, now it's like a river moving with no banks. There's a flood, and all kinds of junk happens.
You will find that when people are like this, they show certain traits. Maybe you'll find that as you listen to these traits, you may realise - ooh, that's me! I do that! Or you repent? You repent - it's quite simple, stop doing it. You are hurting people. You're not making it better. You're participating in the destruction! You're cooperating with a spirit.
You see, if I said: have you yielded to a demonic spirit recently? They say: no, not me; would never do; I'm a Christian! But if there's brokenness in your life, and you start surrendering to ungodliness, then you're allowing the spirit to express itself through you. You're increasing its ability to get control. Here's a few things it does…
#1 - It flipflops between being highly aggressive, and highly seductive. All of it is about: I want you to do what I want, and I'm going to find a way; so, it's going to be soft, or hard, or it may be both. Soft to start with, and then hard later.
So, number 1 is manipulation - relationships are emotionally manipulated, by making you feel guilty. You don't love me! Yes, I do love you, but I'm not going to do that. Understand? It's just a manipulative ploy, trying to make you to feel bad, so you feel obliged to do something.
#2 – Accusation. You're this, you're that - false accusation. Blame - it's all your fault. No, it isn't. I've got my bit; and you've got your bit. I'm just going to own my bit; stop blaming me! When you blame people, you act like a victim, so you get tears.
#3 – Victim. I've been in encounters with people where I've raised an issue, and at first it was vehement denial, then accusation, then blame. Then when I kept pressing, they suddenly collapse, and now it's all tears. Oh, I'm so hurt, my background… Next thing you know, you're feeling sad for the person. It's a flipflop thing, can go one or the other; and when you meet people like this, they're very difficult to work with, and usually conflict, and confrontation, are the only way that you're going to find your way through it.
#4 – Agenda. There's always an agenda to everything, so when you're dealing with someone who's got the spirit operating in their life, nothing they ever do is without a hidden agenda - there's always a reason they do it. They will do all kinds of things - they come into church, and they'll serve, and they volunteer to serve.
#5 – Flattery. They flatter; but the flatter is seduction - it's dishonest. Praise and affirmation is good; but flattery is just saying things to impress you, so I can gain access; because a person with that spirit will want to gain access to whoever's authorised to lead, so they can undermine their leadership, and gain power and control. That's the agenda!
#6 – Intimidation. One aspect of it is manipulation - through guilt and tears, through fussing, all that kind of stuff. Another way is through intimidation - through anger, threats, or threats to withhold. It can be as simple as withholding intimacy in marriage, withholding money, withholding all kinds of things - the threat to withhold puts a pressure on people.
#7 - Sharp criticism is a very violent way. In the Asian culture, they use shaming or scolding as a way of controlling children. It doesn't control them, it just gets them quiet, and it wounds their heart, because you've unleashed against them a demonic spirit. It creates dependency. You'll find the intimidating aspects of this person operating will be passive-aggressive. They may say something, but you can feel the anger in it, and you feel intimidated by it.
#8 - When you're around someone who's got a strong, controlling spirit, you're always on eggshells, because I don't know how they're going to be next. There's a control spirit operating. You've got to call the bluff on that one. Why should you walk around feeling afraid - worrying, or guarding what you say? Because you're trying to get their acceptance, or please them, or whatever? You've got to stop it. If they're unhappy, they're unhappy. Oh, I see you're unhappy; what's the trouble? It's their problem, not yours. When you tiptoe around people, you've taken ownership of keeping them happy. You've taken on a responsibility that isn't yours. You can never fulfil it. But if you don't make them happy, then they can make your life miserable, so you've got to have the courage to stand up to that.