That may mean hey listen, put your hand up, I'm not taking this and just walk away. I won't be treated like that, I'm out of here. Sometimes you've just got to stand up, and walk away. Now not every situation you can walk away, but many you can, so when people start to get that way, then get out of the place. Often you find you get around people, and they've been drinking a bit, it's okay for a little while, and then there's a certain point reached and they start to get nasty. When they get like that, hey, I'm out of here. So you boundary it. If it's possible to boundary your life against being exposed to it, then you should do that. Sometimes people have got to move out of relationships, even have to move out of homes, because it was too abusive, and it was actually destroying their ability to go forward. Sometimes a young person can't get out of that situation, so you've got to figure another way to deal with it, but you do need a safe space, so sometimes it's just a matter of just going into your own room and just being away from the environment.
You do have to boundary that kind of behaviour. Jesus didn't say you should be some kind of martyr and put up with it all, just because you love them. He said no, if that person leaves Christ, go to another place. Come on, you've got to get smart in this thing. Many people have stayed. I can just think of someone here tonight who was counselled by some well-meaning person, who I'd like to slap, into staying in an abusive marriage for years, violently abusive. We're talking here physically violent. I think what kind of crazy Christian would counsel that sort of way? I mean they must be confused in their head. I just said well, you should have told them to change places, and see if they've got the same counsel after two days. Well some people just give stupid - well-meant, but it's just stupid counsel. See, we're not meant to stay in a place which is going to endanger our future, where we become actually destroyed by the environment we're in, because in order for your life to go forward, you have to have an environment that nurtures emotional and relational health.
Sometimes we can do things to shift the environment we're in, sometimes we've got to learn to go deep into God, in order to make an environment of our own we can live in. So sometimes you've just got to wall it off. I can remember having a teacher that used to yell and abuse me in front of the whole class, I can't believe it. Now this is seventh form, and stand there yelling, hostile yelling. Of course there's no way I would, you know - well, of course I could have said a few things. Actually I did. I let off some bombs round in the toilet [Laughter] No, it gets better, it gets better. I put a time fuse on them, and found the guy, and started to talk with him, so he'd be my alibi. [Laughter] There's always a way of getting around stuff! I don't recommend that at all. [Laughter] You'd probably be put in jail these days. They seem to be a bit of a sensitivity about people making bombs now and [Laughter] it was fun when I used to do it, but we can't do that sort of thing today.
So what I did mentally was, I learned mentally to erect a wall, or a boundary inside me, to stop his words impacting me, because even though I wasn't a Christian, I knew intuitively they would hurt me, and they'd get in and affect me. So you actually have to build a wall. He could yell all he liked, I didn't hear a word. I'd just shut my hearing off, and just focus my thoughts and attention elsewhere, just to avoid the abuse. So I wasn't able to get out of the classroom. I needed to be there to get the instruction, to get to where I wanted to get. I had to then adopt a strategy to stop the violent abuse penetrating my life and damaging me. Get the idea? You've got to learn strategies on these things, isn't that right?
Another thing then is, sometimes you've just got to confront it, so another strategy is to confront. You have to do it at an appropriate time, so don't confront someone when they're nutting off. You'll really get them going. It's not the best time. The best time is when they're quiet, and then you sit down, you pray, you arrange to have a talk with them, and you talk about how what they're doing is impacting you, and that's it, not acceptable any more. Then you have to just set up a boundary again. Now of course, if you're in a home where this is happening, particularly unsaved parents, it's a lot more difficult, but you can find usually a room to go to, and you can do a lot to soothe. Believe me, I know what this is like. But when you're in that verbally abusive environment, it does dramatically affect you, and often we need healing.