How do you do it? Well very simply, approach the person, and ask them for a convenient time and a place to meet. Let them choose the time and the place, don't pressure people. You're going there to talk something out, go and ask them for a suitable time. Tell them there's something you'd like to talk about. Then when you get there, talk quickly and straight. Get to the point and identify: hey, this is the specific thing that happened, and this is how it's affected me, so use 'I' statements, not 'you,' you did ra-ra-ra, you, you, you, you know? Well now listen, that's just going to get a fist fight, going in like that. You think about where the issues in marriages come from: you, you and you, you, you. The voices rise higher, because no one's listening to anyone. It's just getting higher and higher, then there's a shouting match. Then now it's really bad and people say things and they regret later. Now they've got more to overcome.
Just go with a heart to hear, a heart to talk and share, and let's see what the Holy Spirit will do. Ask for a suitable time, ask for a suitable place, go there and say: this is what the issue is that I'm struggling with. This is what the thing is, that's a problem. Put it out, just in its facts, and how its affecting intimacy, how it's affecting you. Let them see how it's affected you; and then listen, understand their position, try and find out what's going on; what happened, and what's going on. Then come to a place of agreement: forgive, release forgiveness, bless people, bless people. Let's walk in blessing.
You know something? When something breaks down in a relationship, there's always a cost to fixing it. It cost Jesus His life to fix it; and here's what it takes. It takes on the part of the person who's been sinned against, grace to forgive; and it requires a cost on the part of the person who transgressed, to repent and say: I'm sorry. That's how things get fixed up. I'm really sorry, and I mean it from my heart, I had no idea, please forgive me; and it requires: yes, I will forgive. Let's pray together, and walk together in a flow of unity. That's what it takes. That's what it takes. It always costs. Jesus modelled what it cost. He came from heaven - boy, that's costly, coming to polluted world. That's costly, and then He ministered to people, and they hurt Him and wounded Him, put Him on the cross; and then on the cross, He forgave them. That is really costly, but it also costs something to get the relationship right. We've got to repent, so there's a mutual thing goes on in there. If he repents, forgive him, so release forgiveness.
Here's the other thing then. If someone comes to you with an offence, the first thing to remember is: guard your heart. Just guard your heart. You're only hearing one side of the story. Ask the appropriate questions, and then particularly challenge the person: what stops you going directly to this person to sort it out? What is stopping you? Can I pray with you, and help you in this journey of coming and doing it Jesus' way; instead of creating a scandal and division in a relationship? There isn't any other way. This is Jesus' way. Jesus' way is: grace, truth, forgiveness; that's His way. We've just got to decide whether we'll do it His way; or whether we'll let offence sit in us, and we become a scandal to those around us, stumbling them. How many times in your journey has someone told you something about someone else, that turned out not to be true, but it stumbled you in your relationship with them? Think how often that is, and frequent that is. We can do something better than that, we can follow God's way.
I've had many reasons to be offended in all kinds of ways, still do; and I've had to learn you just have to rise with grace in your heart, and say: Jesus, help me to act as You would, and be an agent for reconciliation in this situation. Face the pain. Face what's in the heart, and the beliefs of the heart. Get your heart free with God, and forgive and bless the person. When your heart's free, then talk. If it isn't free, you'll argue, and you'll get angry, so it won't get any better, it'll get worse. What's in your heart will come out when you meet the person, so better to get your heart free; so when you come you have no agenda, but that you be reconciled and restored. This is what God blesses. This is bringing unity. This is bringing healing. This brings wholeness. If we would just practice what Jesus said, imagine how different it would be.