When someone's angry, there'll always be an overflow out of their life. They either: internalise it - and then they get depressed and stressed, and maybe get sick, or withdraw or shut down, or have all kinds of issues; or they blow out and let it all go out.
They find some way to vent it, because when a person's angry: I'm owed something, somebody should pay me back; and that turns into ill will, and bitterness, revenge, and all kinds of stuff. That's why people get stuck on revenge.
Utu (revenge) - I want payback, and if you can't give it to me, well I'm going to punish you in a way, that you will be sorry you ever did this to me. That's what movies are full of, that's what life is full of; so we've got to have a simple way of dealing with it.
How do we deal with it? Jesus said: it's okay to feel angry when things go wrong - just handle it. Handle it, so you don't end up grieving the Holy Spirit.
Is the Holy Spirit upset by you being angry? Not at all! He's not upset by you being angry at all.
What He's upset at is: you’re failing to deal with it; and then having a demand: that I'm owed. That demand, literally leads to a pressure put on everyone around you, because of your anger.
So here are some simple things you can do. It's a process, and it involves the Holy Spirit, because without Him, you don't get free of your anger; because many times, the thing that triggered your anger to explode, was not necessarily the thing you were so angry at.
You've heard of people, and they're nice all day at work, and they come home, and then the cat just gets in the way, next thing you know - the cat is getting it. There's a download of anger, and kicking the cat and whatever; and you think: whoa! Poor cat just walked in front of your path, and actually just got in the way as you were coming through the door - and yet the cat gets it all.
What the cat has got is: the overflow, of all the anger the person's built up all through the day - having to cope with stuff, but not really dealing with their anger - so it just flies out, and the cat gets it, or the kids get it, or the wife gets it, or someone gets it.
Why? Because I'm owed; and if I don't address it directly, where it needs to be addressed, it'll find a way out.
It'll be you, because: you remind me of someone who did. That's why people tend to marry someone who's very like the unresolved issues they've come from in their family… and they love them; and then they get angry at them.
1) You need to identify: who am I angry at. Now that may not be easy - you may need the Holy Spirit to help you; because you think: I'm angry at this person; but actually it's much deeper than that.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you: who am I angry with? If I don't address where the anger came from, I can't solve it, so I need to address that.
Who's the source? You could ask these kinds of questions: who do I hope I never see again? Tick that name - you're angry there, okay!
Another one you could ask: who do I want to pay back?
Who, when they fail and fall over - I'm glad? That shows you've got buried anger underneath there, need to deal with it. Who is it you secretly hope will fail, and when they do, you're very happy?
You'd be surprised in the Kiwi culture, there's so much rejection that breeds anger - they just love to see someone 'tall poppy' fail and fall.
It's just unresolved stuff. We've to go face it: who are you angry at.
2) What do they owe you? What is it you're angry about? What do they owe you?