You can't be general, it must be specific. There's something you've lost; something you want; something you're entitled to.
What was taken from you, that you really are upset about? What right was violated?
What does this person owe you, or what did they take? They took away my happiness. I was entitled to have a happy family, and they took it all away.
Just think about it: what do they need to do, to put it right?
Here's the problem you'll find: a lot of situations in life, there's nothing the person could do, that's enough to put it right.
You think: if father commits adultery, betrays his family, breaks up the marriage, and the whole family goes into disaster zone - how could he put that right?
There's almost nothing he can do that could fix it; but there's something you can do, to walk free of it.
What he could do, would be to: acknowledge the pain; acknowledge the hurt; take responsibility; express apology - but that often never happens.
So people are left in the thing: you owe me. Now, they may never ever come to the place of ever wanting to put it right, so what do you do if someone doesn't want to put it right?
You've still got to face dealing with the anger you have in your own heart, otherwise it grieves the Holy Spirit, and wrecks you.
Why would you let your life be controlled by someone else, and what they did or didn't do? That's the question, so we can simply solve that.
We ask the question: who am I angry at; what am I angry about; what is it they've taken from me?
3) Just grieve the loss. Just grieve that there is a real loss. I think emotions are fine. You just need to cry them out, express them out. If people try to forgive before they've grieved, they never forgive from the heart.
Ephesians 4: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”.
So that makes it real clear: the path through, is to let the debt go.
So who are you mad at? Why are you mad? What did they take? What's the right that was violated, or entitlement you didn't get? Now grieve over the loss, if you need to grieve over the loss, and get rid of the emotions. T
hen it's important to actually then let it go. Let it go! I forgive, I release! You've got to make a decision: to let it go.
Let it go! It's killing you. You'll grow old and ugly early. Think of all the old people you've met, that look ugly, because the bitterness on their face, because of stuff they've sat on for years. You don't have to talk with them long and… out they go.
You think: what did I just do - I pushed a button, something went off. That's not the beauty of Jesus! You just think: what a bitter old biddy!
It's not right! We need to deal with this sort of stuff, so we need to make a decision: I will release it, and let it go. I've made judgements about all kinds of people; I will renounce them and let them go. I will forgive; and here's why I forgive: because God in Christ forgave me.
I'm a forgiven person, and forgiveness is what I live out. I live in grace. I choose to live in grace. He's called: the spirit of grace; so if your rights have been violated, and you're very, very angry, there is a spirit of grace to empower you - to handle the loss, and to release the people; even as God did for you.
It's not so hard is it - except when you have to do it!
Some people just don't want to let go. I DON'T WANT TO LET GO! I won't let go. You see, something was taken, and you owe me. Well, they may never give it back; so what you've got to do is make the decision: I'm going to let it go.