Number 1 – I need to face the reality of my plan. I need to be honest - I’m hurting. What happened to me, really hurt me, and I’m suffering. The first step to any freedom is just honesty. Instead of pretending, and covering, and saying: it’s not much; say what it is – I’m hurt.
Number 2 - I need to be honest. I need to face the situation – what happened to me, how did it affect me, how did I react. When you ask those questions, you start to really face the problem. Now I need to reach out to the Lord –“Lord I need Your grace to help me now.”
So number 1, I need to face the problems with honesty. Number 2, I need to ask the questions – what happened, how did it affect me, how have I tried to react and solve this problem.
Number 3, I need to ask the Lord to help me now and make a decision – I will forgive. I will grieve over what happened, and I’ll forgive. Sometimes we just need to grieve before we can forgive properly. Tears are the language of the heart. Issues of the heart, you have to process from the heart. Jesus said – When you forgive, forgive from the heart. Usually what happens – tears come, and that’s a sign or language that we’re sad.
When I work with people and we’re counselling them or talking with them, I always watch their face. I found the moment you touch the heart, the place where the person is in pain, the windows to the soul – the eyes start to flood with water. You can just tell the person’s really hurting; and I usually focus on that, because that is the place God wants to heal them.
So, face the situation. Ask the questions – what happened, how did it affect me, how have I tried to protect myself. Then come to the Lord with these things, grieve over the problem, release forgiveness. Start to bless the people who hurt you. If there’s any inner vows or judgements, renounce them; and expect God to help you, to give you grace to come through it. Expect God to speak to you because His words bring comfort.
I remember I was facing an incredible situation – one of my daughters had been sexually assaulted, and I was broken-hearted by this; and I was in a valley of sorrow. I could not be fixed by anyone. People didn’t even understand how sad I was. Deep at the core of my inner-most being, I was struggling with whether I could trust God again. So I had it all bottled up in my heart. I just tried to carry on life, tried to be a good Christian, tried to overcome.
Someone said to me –they were trying to help me – they said: if you could say anything to God, what would you say? So I was alone one day with God, and I began to weep. I began to face the sorrow. Then I spoke out my heart, and I said: “God, I feel You’ve let me down. I expected You to care for me, and look after me, and now I don’t trust you. I’ve prayed, and I pray for my family. My family is hurting, and You have allowed this thing to happen, so I’m struggling to pray anymore.”
I was just honest with God, and began to weep as I shared my heart, and shared the real struggle. There was a silence for a moment, and I could feel God coming on me to help me. When you are honest, God always responds. It’s just sometimes we try and pretend it’s better than it is. I felt the Lord begin to speak to me, tell me how much He loved me. He said – “I’m not committed to your comfort, I’m committed to your character.” He said – “I want you to grow. I know this is a sad experience for you, but in the midst of it, you will grow, and your family will grow, and I will come and help. Then you will be able to help many others.”