It happens for two reasons; one, you were treated unfairly, some injustice took place. That happens. Welcome to the world! It happens everywhere. Racial things happen everywhere. They've been happening all through history, everywhere. It's just that in the west, you hear about it in the media, because they're making a big show of it right now. It doesn't mean that something didn't happen – something is wrong. There is injustice. But the problem is not that there's injustice - the bigger thing is what does it do to you.
Are you a carrier of injustice, and offence; or are you a carrier of healing, and restoration, in life?
You've got to understand - you can't be both! If you're carrying injustice, and offence, then you will be angry, and hate, and then you'll destroy. We tend to think - oh, that's America! That's not us! No, no, no - it happens here too. Come on!
The two reasons that people get offended… One is, they've been treated badly, or unjustly, or unfairly. They've got a genuine grievance to get over (or they think they have). That's where Christians get stuck. They think - oh, it wasn't fair, I wasn't treated right, and they get upset. Usually it comes out of unmet expectations - I thought you were going to do that, and you didn't! I'm upset! No, you're offended. Get over it. Deal with it.
Address it in a godly way, otherwise it's going to stumble you, and you'll end up breaching the relationship. When people get offended, they get so focussed on themselves, they don't realise they're trapped in a snare.
Their focus is not on Jesus. Their focus is not on being like Him. Their focus is not on being able to love people, and bless people, and restore relationships. Their focus is on me, and my, and mine. Their focus is on the injustice, and the hurt; and while they're focussing on injustice and hurt, they're not aware - I've got an offended heart, and I'm operating under pride. The pride blinds my hearts condition. I can't see, because I'm so full of myself.
Proverbs 18:19 – “A brother offended is harder to win back than a strong city; contentions separate friends like a gate locked with bars”.
An offended person will build a wall around their heart. Now get this... They build a wall around their heart, but they will let in one kind of person. Who will they open their heart to? Oh, another offended person! Oh, you're offended too? Oh, let me tell you about my offence… and they let them in! And now, they're not sharing the life of Christ; they're not sharing blessing… they're sharing offence! The spirit of offence, and bitterness, and hatred, begins to grow. This goes on, all the time! They just want someone who will agree with me!
If I think that you agree with me, I'll share, and I'll welcome you in. The problem is, when people are offended like that, they misinterpret the actions of people. So, if you've got an offence in your heart, you'll misinterpret everything - especially if it's an offence against your father or your mother. You will have issues with authority your whole life.
One of the biggest issues of offences that come is when we have expectations that are not met – oh, but I thought... We maybe didn't even realise there was an expectation, we just get offended; or when pastors or leaders try to help you grow up, and talk into your life something you can't see, because you're blinded by your offence. And then, instead of welcoming the truth, and loving the truth, even though it hurts… people get more offended. The wall goes up.
What Jesus said is: many will become offended, and betray one another, and hate one another. It's going to progress. They're not going to stay static, if the offence is in your heart. You're going to sell the person out to their enemies. You will go to someone who also hates them, and share your story with them, and give them more fuel for the fire. You're betraying the relationship you had.
You will withdraw from a relationship that was important. Maybe God had ordained that relationship, but you've withdrawn, because of your pride and offence, and now you've walked away. Now you've betrayed the relationship. You've sold them out, by sharing confidences; or you've sold them out, by withdrawing, when you were most needed. That goes on all the time. It's evidence of pride, and immaturity. It's time to grow up! We cannot stay in that state. We can't remain like that.