You know, you've got a suitcase or a briefcase or a light pack you go to school with, that's your stuff. No one's going to carry it for you, you've got to carry that stuff. But if you're down and crushed someone comes along and lifts that off you while you get back up, but once you're up you've got to carry your own stuff. Carry your own stuff! Carry your own stuff! Come on, carry your own stuff. Don't put it on someone else to carry it - and that's what parents are always looking for isn't it aye, so when you've chosen to carry your own stuff you feel empowered because you know what's yours. My thoughts, I can work on my thoughts, actions, attitudes. I can work on all those feelings, I can work on those. The other person, I can influence them but I'm not responsible for their choices. If they make a bad one, okay, let's make some consequences for doing this dumb thing you're doing, and you don't get into the power struggle that goes on where people contend with one another, each one trying to win and both losing.
Okay, the second thing is they blame others for life being the way it is and this empowers others at their expense. They blame others for the way life is, whereas a winner, a conqueror, a victor will refuse to blame others. They embrace the challenges and difficulties and they determine to win over them, so this issue of blame - so a victim will always blame other people. They just continually blame others. Now people blame all kinds of [things 00.24.38]. They blame their father, they blame their mother, they blame their brothers and sisters, they blame their teachers. They blame the church leaders, they blame bosses and employers, they blame everyone. Yet you keep the blame game up you aren't going to win. You actually have to break with the blame game. You've just got to stop playing that game. You've just got to change that and see, so a winner refuses to blame others.
They reckon if there's a challenge and a difficulty there, well man what a great opportunity this is. I can really learn from this - a different way of thinking about it. Come on, a different way of thinking. Here's a third thing then. A victim will refuse to assume responsibility for the consequences of their bad choice, so a victim - you notice another thing I've noticed about victims is this. When you try and hold them to account for what they've done they really get angry and resentful, because they don't believe they're responsible and when you try to hold them to responsibility by making them have consequences they get resentful and angry and blame you. But they refuse to take the consequences of their actions. I saw it in the paper just recently in the big upheaval there over tagging and the one thing I was looking for, will anyone state that people have to be responsible for their behaviours? And anyone who stands up and says they're not responsible, oh they're this and this, hello! You're perpetuating victim culture.
You're not going to help them. You're going to actually condemn them to a life of being victims, angry and resentful. So I've noticed that victims inevitably don't want the consequences, so they do something bad, they don't want to actually have pain following it. Do-gooders will try and rescue them from having the pain. Life tells us very clearly your choices have consequences. Don't spare people the consequences. They're to learn from them and as they learn from them they grow. It's the most wonderful way God set it all up, beautiful, works really well. Here's another thing about victims, so of course they refuse to assume responsibility. However a person who is a victor, well they'll take full responsibility for the consequences and they learn from it and they'll ask for feedback. They're actually quite open to feedback, you see whereas if you try to give feedback to a victim they get defensive.
They just actually get defensive and react angrily because their identity is in what they've done, just don't want to go there. You can't help them when people are like that, so you've just got to [help 00.27.01] them face the consequences. Here's the fourth thing. They focus on negatives and problems and lacks and injustices, and complain and feel powerless to do anything about it. They focus on negatives and problems, lacks, injustice and they complain you see, whereas a victor will focus on options and possibilities and opportunities to grow, and they're thankful for the opportunities. So one complains about the injustices and problems, continually complains so their attitude is one of complaining; ooh someone [unclear 00.27.27], negative and complaining. Whereas a person who's got a winning attitude says man, this is an opportunity here, so what are the options? They just think options all the time; what are my choices in here?