See, notice they're owning I've got choices in this; what choices can I make? How can I go? What options have I got? They think that way. It's just built in to think that way, and if you don't think that way, if you feel - the moment you feel powerless you've got to stop, step back and say I'm feeling powerless. What choices do I have here? What options are open to me? Then you start to choose better options. Now see every situation where you feel disempowered you've got to step back and then look why you got disempowered and what you can do, what choices you have now available to you. So it requires you being aware of how you feel and actually taking time to think about your life and what you're doing. Getting the idea? Really good isn't it aye? Okay then, so because victims feel powerless they want others to come through for them and they become demanding and focus on their rights.
Because victims feel powerless they then become demanding. They want others to come through for them; you've got to help me! I want you to learn to help yourself. What options have you got? Aah, [I've got no one 00.28.42] to help me, bail me out - so they've got a consistent problem with mismanaging their money and now they're in debt. The creditors are coming, they're beating on the door and wife's upset, the dog's upset, kids are upset and everything's a disaster; it's not my fault! You've got to help me! So we say well how can we help you? Well just give me all the money to pay the bill. [Laughter] Well that's not going to help you, because next week you'll be in the same fix. You haven't actually owned that this is a consequence of some choices you made a little while before. When you blew the card out here and you blew the card out there, and you blew the card out there you weren't thinking that one day that account would come in and you'd be oh no, I can't pay!
You just didn't take responsibility, so helping people out - notice with our work in missions, see the theme out there on the back is not a hand out. You give a hand out you don't help anyone; you've got to help them up. You've got to help them to learn and grow through that situation. Getting the idea? And see people all want a hand out. Hand outs don't help people. They can provide temporary relief but you actually want to help them up, which may involve a whole range of things but it always involves changing the way they think. So when we worked in Uganda for example, the biggest challenge we faced in all the Third World is shifting how they think, because they think like a victim; I'm this, you're that, you've got to come through for me. So we tell them we've got no money, we're only a small church, got no money you know? So what we can be is be friends to you and help you grow. Then on the way you'll find some money will turn up. That's why I've gone slow on some of the missions thing.
I'd love to just jump in and do a lot more, but you've got to grow them. Otherwise they just stay in this cycle of poverty and then they're looking for someone to help them out. Getting the idea? I hope you're not doing that. You wouldn't be doing that. No, you're very [laughs] - see, so of course a victor, because [they're powered, they're 00.30.33] proactive and institute change. They focus on responsibility rather than privileges. It's kind of interesting with people that are victims, they're always demanding something. They just think you've got to come through for me and you feel when you're with them a demand you've got to do something. You just feel it. In fact you feel drained. You're with them, you can't wait to get away because you feel this pull and you feel guilty, you feel drained, manipu- and it's just inherent in that way of thinking. And of course it doesn't bring life building relationships. It drains them out when people act like a victim.
Okay, so here's another one, number six. Because they feel powerless they're unwilling to seek help and they react defensively when they get feedback. But you see you know, the person who's a victor will always seek help out. Okay, here's another one. Because they feel powerless they speak bitterly against others, especially those in authority who they blame for hurting them. So they speak bitterly against others because they feel powerless. If you're powerless you can't do anything. What are you going to do? Just get angry and yell at people; [unclear 00.31.29] the boss - and that's what people do and they get more and more bitter, whereas a person who's got a winning mentality, well they don't think that way and they don't act that way. They actually act and they speak - because they're secure they can encourage this one, encourage that one and they always treat bosses with respect.