In fact, one time I said to my wife: why don't you go away for the weekend, and leave me with it, so I find out what it's like to be in your shoes? So she went away - for four days! [Laughter] Guess who was waiting to see her back? [Laughter] A whole new appreciation! [Laughter] It's a great way to get appreciation, is when you've got to do it all. Now whoever feels the sense of responsibility, usually is the one that picks it up. The final key is: servant leadership - there needs to be a heart of a servant, just to be willing to fit in whatever's needed. Now what happens is, if a man doesn't take up his responsibilities, there's a terrible thing happens. There's an imbalance starts to take place. Someone will fill it. Firstly, if a man won't pick up his responsibilities as the head of the home, usually that often takes place in finances, or in spiritual matters. Oh well the wife's a good prayer, let her do the praying. Yeah, let her fight off all the demons. [Laughter] You rotten, miserable person. God wired you, and equipped you, to be a warrior, to be a fighter; and now you're a couch potato, leaving her to fight the demons. I think it's terrible, shocking.
She's the spiritual one around here... No, you're the lazy one. You need to stand up, assume God's role - protect the family. You know what happened, you know why Eve got into the mess? If you read in Genesis 3:6 it says: the devil gave the fruit to Eve, her husband with her. What's he doing with her, letting all this happen? [Laughter] So she's contending with the devil, he's leading her off track, and Adam says nothing; nothing to say, silent. Because he was silent, this problem emerged. That's why a lot of problems emerge in families, silent men. What do you think dear? [Laughter] It's up to you, you work it out, sort it all out. We've got to realise, God has designed men to carry this weight, and when they do it, there's some things happen. Now if they don't do it, this is what happens - I won't develop this, I'll just list it for you. Number one, God's order is violated. If a man won't carry his responsibility, God's order is violated; therefore, he's not positioning himself to be blessed, and his family is robbed of what God's best is for them.
Here's the second thing: he loses his authority, and ability, to protect his family, in that area. Often men don't give it up in every area, they just give it up in one or two. The third thing is, someone else feels that sense of responsibility, picks it up, and it's usually his wife, and she feels burdened by it. Sometimes, in some families, both parents abscond; and one of the eldest kids is picking it up. I've prayed for many kids, and you know what? I've said: I'm going to talk into this area - I've prayed for a lot of kids, out of families where both parents are sat down drinking down the pub, and they've left one of the kids to look after all the other kids, and they've done it regularly. You know what happens? It's quite a common problem, and what I've found is this. The kids grow up, and their childhood is robbed. They become angry, resentful, and dysfunctional in handling their family responsibilities. They have many marriage problems, and relational problems. I have prayed and seen women just weep and weep and weep, because their childhood years were stolen, being a parent instead of being a child. They were forced to grow up and carry a weight way beyond - a reasonable amount of responsibility's okay, but when the parents abscond, demons come in and torment the whole family. It's as simple as that.
Here's another thing. The man feels a deep sense of guilt. He actually knows in his heart he's not doing right. His pride won't let him admit it, but he actually knows in his heart he's not doing right - his esteem goes down. His wife becomes burdened, and because she becomes burdened, she usually feels resentful; and that resentment, if it isn't dealt with, what happens is it overflows. She's really supposed to be standing here, he's supposed to be standing here watching over, protecting, cultivating it, sharing out responsibilities. They work in a partnership. If he just lets go, he positions down here, now she's up carrying the weight. Now she begins to feel resentful of him. She's positioned where she shouldn't be, by default, and she carries a huge weight. Do you know what happens then? She begins to question the man in other areas. She begins to feel insecure, and doubt his competence in dealing with other areas. She begins to be negative, and starts to nag on him, [nag-nag] you know, and this creates many, many problems in the marriage, because she's feeling insecure and burdened. She doesn't like it being like that, but she doesn't feel safe to let it go.