Now many times what you find, for example a widow, and they remarry. The hardest thing for them to do is to let go that sense of responsibility, and let the man pick it up. A woman's been a solo parent, very hard for her, when she remarries, or when she marries, to let go that sense of responsibility - but this is what needs to happen. There's almost like a dynamic of a see-saw takes place. If one carries extra responsibility, the other feels less responsible; so suppose it's the man, and here's the man. He's away, way out there; hey, you don't have to worry about all the finances. I've got it all under control - and she's seen a few of those bills unpaid there, and she's feeling a sense of responsibility. He just makes all these statements: okay, go on, don't worry about it, whatever. What's happening is, she's getting more and more nervous, because she knows he isn't hearing; and so she feels more responsibility. The responsibility goes on this side, she feels even more responsible now, so she begins to talk [nat-nat-nat] and so the more she talks, he says: what are you worrying about? God will provide, everything will work out. She gets more burdened - you brought religion into it. More burden now!
What he needs to understand is, the more he moves this way in becoming irresponsible, the more she'll move the other way and become responsible. It's like a see-saw thing, for example if a man becomes very passive his wife, will become very active, to compensate. If a man is introverted and sits alone, she'll become quite a spark, a live spark and really become extrovert. If the man is a very tightwad, she'll become very generous, to compensate. If the man doesn't discipline the kids, she'll feel the need to, and actually get involved in it. Do you understand? It's like a dynamic, and of course she feels resentful of the burden, and goes: why don't you? You never do this... Well now you can see it's getting bad. He says: ...you're always on my case, you're never happy... but the problem is, he's being irresponsible.
Now here's what he needs to do. If it's bad, he's got to do something. Here's what he needs to do: he needs to first of all, listen to his wife's concerns, so she feels she's had a hearing; secondly, he needs to assume the responsibility that he's failed to assume - honey, I'll take this thing. I haven't been doing it. I'd like to pick it up, and work it out. Third, he needs to develop a track record of consistency, so she feels safe; and the other side of the coin, she needs to be willing to let it go, because if she won't let it go, she'll hold it, and you'll never be able to be the leader. Now in many families, the man cannot be the leader, because the wife won't let go the carrying of responsibility. She feels hurt, and feels distrust or whatever, but at some point, the dynamic has got to change; and it can't just change with one, both have got to do this. The Bible says: you pick up a person, and carry their burden for a while, but once they're going then you actually - they've got to carry their own burden, Galatians 6:5.
So for it to work, there needs to be both move towards the centre, otherwise they both polarise. If you see your wife reacting to something in you, it's almost certainly you've gone out too far in that area. Listen to what she's saying, and try to come back in, so she stops reacting so much to it. It's like you've got to work the thing out. There's a dynamic balance in the spirit. Now if we fail to fulfil our place, demonic powers are authorised to come into that area, and create havoc. Many families are in trouble because demon powers operate in the family, because the man does not assume his responsibilities. Whatever God has given for you to do, take it in your heart, and assume it fully. Begin to plan how you'll work the thing out, and expect God to help you in doing it. Talk it over, so that there's a change takes place.
In our family married life, things have changed, sometimes very dramatically - like with the money - yours! Fine. Now when I took it over, I ran it differently to Joy, and that's okay. She had to be willing to let me do it differently. It got done, and she feels safe. There are other areas I had to pick up too. I didn't realise, just how passive I was, and in need of picking things up. Now for the woman's sake, you're praying for your husband, you're not taking up responsibility. It'll end up in conflict and confrontation unless you can actually let go that sense of responsibility to him. Many times what happens, is as soon as you let go trying to carry it, and just let it go, supernaturally the weight of it will fall on him - if you'll let it; because you'll think: well what if nothing happens, what if it gets a mess? Well maybe it'll get a bit of a mess for a while, but the weight will start to sit on him. As soon as you pick it up again, it transfers, and he becomes more irresponsible; so always you've actually got to be willing, if it's not your thing, find a way in God to let the thing go, there is sense of weight of responsibility.