“Don't worry, it'll soon pass” - don't say that. “Get over it” - don't say that. “It's not that bad really - you want to hear what I went through, blah blah blah...”
None of those things help. Actually they make them more miserable - and somewhat angry. Murder rises in the heart! They think: shall I kill him now, or not? Would God forgive me, if I did?
Don't joke or make fun of it – “oh it's nothing, come on, you'll be okay - get over it”.
Don't say to them: “you need more faith brother!” More faith! More faith! Now I do want to kill you! All the faith I have - it's still not getting me through. Don't tell me I need more faith.
“You just need to praise the Lord anyway”. It might be true - but it's not helpful, it can actually really upset people.
“We all have days like that - move on”. Move on! None of that helps.
“oh, you shouldn't feel that way - you're a Christian - you shouldn't be angry. You should trust in God!”
“You should forgive!” Feel the word 'should' - it's the law coming. There's no grace and mercy in that. I know I should forgive - I just don't want to. I'm too angry to even think and go there, so don't tell me I should. I already know the Bible, I know that verse. It's not going to help me. I won't be comforted - just get more angry.
“You must have sinned”. There must be something you've done wrong. There's a problem, there's a fault in your life - you're reaping something. I'm really comforted now, after I've heard that. The spirit of murder is nearly unable to stop getting a hold of me, and to throttle someone. None of these things help. This is what people do.
“God's dealing with you, brother”. Is that right? Well I'm out of here already. None of those things help - they sound good, they sound spiritual.
“Oh, you've been treated really badly, - you're right. This is really bad what's happened to you”. That may be true, but it's not going to help them either – it fills them with self pity, and reinforces their bitterness.
“You talk too much”. Some people - they start off: “how are you doing?” Before you've even given half an answer - they're away blabbing. It is really hard for it to be a Christian at a time like that - isn't it hard?
Here's another one [laughs] that doesn't help - when they invade your space - and all you want is to be left alone.
I remember when a member of our family had gone through a trauma experience, and it was all I could do to come to church. I had to preach, but I was in tremendous grief. I just wanted to be left alone, but people would come up to me, and tell me stupid stuff. It was hard for me not to want to kill them. Before I preach, or after - I'm not sure when it should happen! It was very difficult, very difficult.
I just wanted to say: LEAVE ME ALONE! I just want to worship God, and cry. Sometimes you get into a worship session, you want to cry. You don't need someone to come up, put their arm around and smother you - and then prophesy over you. It's not going to help - I just need to cry – and then afterwards be encouraged and comforted.
It's good to know what doesn't work. How many have had some of those things happen to them? They actually increase the pain, and the isolation.
Jonathan strengthened his friend, and this is how he strengthened his friend - “he arose and went to him”. He connected intentionally with him. He made a decision to leave where he was comfortable, and actually go to be where his friend was. He went to him, didn't wait for him to call.