Sometimes people pray that the spirit of virginity would be released into their life. They can’t get back their physical virginity, but they can be restored by God to feel completely clean inside, as though nothing has happened.
So that’s kind of the process of ministry. You can see that you can’t do all of that in an alter call, but you can do that when you’re praying with people. Does that make sense to you? Everything I’ve done in the ministry is to undo something that happened in the whole situation in being involved in sexual sin.
Now, let’s look at the next area which would be after ministry: follow-up. We look at follow-up. Clearly, sexual sin has an impact, which is quite major on a person’s life. First sexual experiences can be particularly impacting on people. Here are a few things you could follow-up with.
1) House cleansing. Are there things they need to get rid of? House cleansing. Are there any items they need to get rid of? It could be magazines, computer files, old love letters, sometimes gifts that were given. Is there anything the person needs to get rid of? Remember: you want them to separate from sin, and to walk with God. So don’t hold on to things - it’s over; if it’s over - it’s over. Let it go.
It may be you need to get rid of letters, or items, or pictures, or anything that’s likely to lead to sin again. Don’t be controlling in this matter. It’s their life - they must be responsible for this journey. So, you can just ask the Holy Spirit: “Are there any items I need to get rid of”. Let the Holy Spirit tell them - you can throw out a few suggestions – computer files, images, videos, books, pictures. Are there things you need to get rid of? Do it quickly. Get the momentum going, of shift - don’t delay it.
2) Are there any relationships the person needs to distance themselves from? To distance means to create a space, so they can repair their life. So, are there any relationships where the person needs to create some space and distance? In other words, if they were sexually involved with someone, are they still in the relationship? If they stay in the relationship, as it is, it’ll just go back to where it was. Once a relationship has turned sexual, the person stops developing intimacy, and it becomes physical. So they need to cut off and separate for awhile, while they begin to walk right with God. You just got to ask the question, and talk about it; but it’s still their decision.
3) Are there any apologies they need to make? Is there anything to be put right? Again, don’t be harsh on this, and demand them. Let the Holy Spirit show you. Is there anyone they need to apologise to? If they’re going to apologise to someone, then you need to instruct them how to do the apology. Otherwise it becomes worse. Sometimes it’s better to just leave it. Sometimes the person needs to actually put at least one right. With the issue of apologies, or restitution, God sometimes doesn’t require it; sometimes He’ll just use one as a sample. The key is to listen to the Holy Spirit.
If a person is to make an apology, there are some things about their apology.
1) There can be no blaming the other person whatsoever - no blame at all. If you’re apologising, you’re owning your own stuff - even if they cooperated. It’s not about that, it’s about you owning your own stuff. So, no blaming whatsoever. All blame must go.
2) You must be clear what you’re apologising for.
3) The person must resolve their own grief and anger. You can’t go to someone, and you’ve got blame in your heart and anger in your heart. It will be a mess. Just won’t work. So the person needs to be free of all anger, free of all blame, and decide what it is they need to apologise for.
It’s probably better to do it personally than with a letter. A letter is incriminating evidence. However, sometimes a letter or brief note can do. If you’re going to make an apology personally, contact the person and say: you’d like to speak to them very briefly, when it’s convenient. It has to be convenient to them. You may need to say “I want to put something right.”
Then, when you’re making the apology, it needs to be very brief. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk with you. God has been speaking to me, and I realised that I have deeply hurt you with my actions.” You identify the pain you’ve caused the other person. So very briefly, don’t go into lots of detail: “I’m so sorry for the distress I’ve caused you. Please forgive me.” Very brief! It takes courage to do that, but it’s amazing what it does in your heart and conscience.
Now, the person may not forgive you, but it’s not important - that’s their issue. The person may not want to see you, so you may be able to speak briefly over the phone, or do it in just a brief note - but keep it short. Quite easily: “Look, you know I’m a Christian, and God has been speaking to me recently. I realised what I did, when I did this, was very hurtful to you. I’m so sorry for the distress I’ve caused. Please forgive me.” That’s it. Sometimes people need to apologise.