At that point, you must redirect your attention; or the next stage in the cycle – pictures of sin, memories of sin, start to come back. When you get to the bottom of the circle, and the person sins. Then, the next part, they feel sad, or guilty. About the next part, 9 o’clock, they start to say I’m sorry. Next part, they’re trying to pray and read the Bible again. Then they’re back to the top again. It follows the same cycle all the time.
I’ve found that with many men who are in sexual sin, they just are there without seeing that there was a process to getting there. It’s like it was acted out. It’s almost like a script. They felt hurt, and negative feelings; began to feel bad about themselves, wanted to feel better; started to remember things that made them feel better, fall into sin; and then say I’m sorry, feel guilty, start to come back out of it again. So that’s what’s called the “sin cycle”; and it’s often fuelled by the rejection that’s in the heart.
The only way to deal with it is to recognise it, and become aware of things as they affect you; and change your behaviour. So, when you feel a bit down, don’t go back to where you were going, change what you do. Do something different, so you break this pattern that’s been formed in your brain chemistry.
Now I notice you’ve got someone coming who’s going to be speaking on addictions, and I have no doubt she will speak on this area – sexual addiction - and give you a lot more information on this topic. It will be helpful for you. What I’ve tried to do is give you just the basics of how you would minister to people. We’ll stop there and give room for questions.
Question and Answer
Can you tell us clearly how to break the sin cycle?
1) You need to be aware of it and recognise it – that I’m following a pattern that’s predictable. In fact, the way the person sins is often predictable. They come into fantasy, they start to dream and think about things. Next step, open the computer. Next step, start to look at certain sites; then they’re into sexual sins. So it’s a predictable pattern. If a person’s got a pattern of failure, recognise the pattern; and the process of acting out. That’s the first step – awareness.
2) They need to then start to ask the Holy Spirit to help them become aware of what their feelings are; and become alert to the first phase, when they start to feel down, just before the draw to sexual sin comes. At that point, when they realise they’re down, they should say: “Actually, I feel like I’m down. I feel quite low in my emotions. I wonder what has triggered this off. Sometimes you just: “Oh yeah, it’s after I spoke with them that I felt quite heavy.” Then they can just resolve it quite quickly.
Even if you don’t get to that stage, one thing you can do is then recognise: if I don’t redirect my attention, I’m going to go down the old track. Instead of going around to the bottom into sin, and back up the other side to the top again. When the person reaches to about 3 o’clock, when they’re feeling a bit down, make the decision to redirect the attention somewhere else; because by redirecting your focus into something that occupies your attention, after about 15 minutes, all your feelings will change as well. Then, you can move out of it. You don’t go down the old sin cycle. After about 15 minutes, if you take a different path, your feelings will shift, because it’s something programmed in you.
We don’t realise that when we sin, and we keep sinning, it often follows a completely predictable pattern, and it becomes programmed in the mind. So, I’ve suggested some prayer strategies for dealing with some of that; but ultimately, you’ve got to form different patterns. Sometimes it’s as simple as get up, go somewhere, and do something else that takes a lot of focus. Put your attention elsewhere - that totally redirects your mind, and the feelings you have will shift as well; then, the temptation subsides.
Divert your attention. Capture the thought, become aware of what you’re feeling, and aware of where this leads; or capture thoughts as they come and stop them, and redirect your attention. The refocusing of your attention changes what you open yourself up to. If you stand trying to fight the thing, it just gets bigger, because you’re focusing on it. What you focus on, you open your life to.
For example, in prayer ministry, if I focus on the other person’s needs too much, it can overwhelm. If I focus on myself, I shut down. If I focus on the Lord, it just opens up the way for God to move. So a simple prayer, and then change your direction. You’ve got to develop a new pattern; and eventually, it becomes the norm. Something happens – capture it, and then redirect your attention, and just change. For some who’d been in sexual sin for a long time, this can take some help, and some work with them.
Here’s one thing to realise: that all sins - the price has already been paid for; the worst thing you can do is live in condemnation, believing: I’m a failure, or something’s wrong with me; when God says: “you’re my son, I love you, you’re forgiven.”