Religious condemnation is a thriving ground for sexual sin. The overall feeling there’s something wrong with me, or I’m bad, or I’m not good enough. If people don’t feel good enough, they want to feel better. How can I feel better quickly? I know, I’ll have a drink. I’ll have a smoke. I’ll turn on the computer - just a little look. Then you’re gone. You go down a path.
It just helps if you understand that your brain gets programmed to follow that path; and that it can just take a little while to reprogram the path. Like we said - sexual sin does something inside you, but God is greater than all of that.
How can we help or minster to a homosexual person?
I’m learning that one! I think, number one, love and accept them - they’re people, and they’re valuable. I think the hardest thing is to get over the belief: this is evil; and the judgement that comes with it. Homosexuals are people too, and they’ve got their own pain, and their own journey. God loves them, and died for them. There are particular problems around homosexuality that create great internal difficulties.
The number one thing, I think, for all people, no matter what they’ve done, is that they feel that you accept them, and are not judging of them as a person. However, for many homosexuals, their identity is so attached to the behaviour, that if you point out things about the behaviour, they consider it an attack on themselves. So this is quite a difficulty; but I think in all helping people, it starts with accepting them. I don’t doubt that there are a number of homosexuals that came to Jesus. He accepted them, He received sinners, and ate with them, but never condoned the behaviour.
The first thing people read is your attitude; and the first thing to get right is attitude. “God, give me a love for every person.” One of the things I do, when I’m introduced or someone I know is a homosexual - I’ll hug them like I’d hug everyone else. Now, I had to work a few things out of my mind over that one; but I’d just hug them as people - they’re people too.
Often, they’re very creative. Often, they’ve been deeply damaged in their relationships, in their family. Often, because of their creativity, they’ve suffered, by not fitting in with the male culture or female culture, so often there are deep roots of rejection in their life. For many of them, they were taken advantage of or abused in some way; and this has opened the door. For some, there was just loneliness, and they were drawn into relationship; looking for the same thing everyone else is looking for – to be loved.
If you can understand that part of a person’s make up, they’re just looking for love in the wrong place, and in the wrong way, and it’s producing a problem in their life. Remember what we said - sexual sin produces problems inside you. Homosexuality produces many problems inside people.
So, the first thing is acceptance; recognition they’re a person of value; and I think to draw them to Christ, who accepts them; rather than trying to fix up the problem. Sometimes as Christians, we sort of want to get people to fix up their life before they can come to God. Whereas God says: I just take you like you are; and then once I’m in your life, I’ll help you on the journey. So, let the power of God get in their life first.
I found Christians often become highly confrontational of the people, because of this thing about the sin, rather than saying: actually, this person’s of great value to God; and only the Holy Spirit has the power to really change them. My job is not to change them. My job is to love them, and to point them to Christ. If you can just stop trying to make them change, and leave God to do the changing; and do what Jesus says to do – love them, pray for them, and bring Christ to them, and help them on their journey with Christ, and let the Lord sort the thing out.
See we have problems of people coming into church, and they’re living together. The way we have chosen to address it, is not to be confrontational about them living together; but to start them on the journey of walking with God, believing that if we connect them to Jesus, and His love for them and His kingdom, and start them walking with God, the Holy Spirit and their own conscience will convict them deeply that this is wrong, and they need to do something about it. So, we give this great window of grace, and don’t worry about some of the things that are happening, believing if I keep them walking with God, that He will speak into their heart and they’ll know it’s wrong.
Having said that, we have a point, when it comes to membership of the church, where we ask the question directly. In order to be a member of the church, we need to ask you some questions, and here’s one question - and go straight for this issue. Now, for almost nearly 99% of people, it’s come up in conversation before we ask that. But we do have a point, we ask it; and they say: “Well, you know, I’m living with this person… blah blah blah”. You say – “Well, let’s talk about that. To be part of this family of God, you actually need to face the situation now.”