Here's one other thought; this is something the Lord showed me. Many people look back on their family, at some of the things that happened, and it varies. For some, it's quite a happy family; for others, there was a lot of grief, and trauma, and all kinds of dramas going on. Have you thought of this: that maybe God, who could see all of this, put you into that family, to end the generational cursing in the family, to bring the pattern to an end, and generate a new pattern for the next generation. That you are actually a gift to the family - a gift from God to that family, to end the cycle of pain and start a different pattern: different fathering, different mothering, different family-building. You're actually building something different; not repeating the stuff that went on that hurt you. Have you thought of that?
You'll find it in Isaiah 61 - "that they might repair the desolation of generations". You're not called just to be healed in your heart for yourself. You're called to be healed in your heart, so you can carry the heart of God and rebuild the damage - the damage that's been done in families, damage been done in young people, the damage that's done in our society. Someone has to rebuild that; and those who let God into their heart, to heal their heart, can see clearly to heal the heart of others.
The more I've let God into my heart, the more I've wept and let Him deal with my pain, the more empathy and compassion I have for others, and the more easy it is for me to see it when I'm with people. No matter how you hide it, and you can hide it all you like, it just leaks like tears - it just leaks out. It cannot be hidden for those who have an eye to see, but if your heart is still hard, you just don't see. You can't see it. You just get people behaving and performing. How we need leaders that are healed, that embrace the journey of healing, and give permission to their people to do the same. They're not going to present an image that: I've got it all together; but rather, I'm on a journey of healing and wholeness, and I have my challenges, in my personal life and ministry.
I want you to know that God is committed to me, and I'm committed to the journey; and I'm creating a safe environment for you, to be committed to that journey. But when we cover it up, they just carry the burdens of loneliness. How can we journey? Well, we have to realise first of all, it is a journey; second, you need to ask the Holy Spirit to bring revelation to your heart - where you're broken, where you're not functioning. He will bring it. Maybe someone will yell at you, and tell you? There's lots of ways He's got of getting your attention. Maybe the problem you're having right now, you're looking at the other person, instead of saying: God, what is this revealing about me? You understand - when you're looking at someone else, you can never change your life.
You've just got to look at what am I doing: is the love of God manifest in my heart and life; or is there something else? So we need to then ask the Holy Spirit: uncover where was I hurt. Who hurt me? What did they do? How did that feel? You see, we spend all our life trying to stop feeling. Then we say: God, I don't feel you.
Hey, why don't you ask this prayer: Holy Spirit, show me where I stopped feeling and shut my heart up, I surrender control. How did I feel? How did I respond? How did this affect my life? What did I do to protect myself; because all of that I've got to undo, in order to let God in. Is there someone I need to forgive from my heart? Notice what Jesus said: forgive from the heart.
To forgive from the heart, you've got to connect to the pain. Oh, is there an easier way? No. But I've been spending all my life trying to stop the pain! No, no, now you have permission to feel it, and bring it to the cross. This time, you don't have to control it. You can let God heal it.
Is there someone I need to forgive? Do I need to break my agreement with lies, or with vows I made to protect my heart; lies about myself, lies about men, lies about women, lies about life, lies about God, lies about money? Have I agreed with things that now dominate my life - that's what runs my life: I believed a lie?