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Sonship & Heart Transformation (2 of 3)

Mike Connell

Page 9 of 11
Controlling relationships break the heart, and cause people to feel deeply rejected. Sometimes in some families, it's not what was actively done; it's just because of various reasons, what was needed was withheld, and that was what broke the heart. We have certain needs that we're born into this life with: love and acceptance. When people are not loved and cherished, it affects them. They begin to make conclusions about why I'm not loveable. If acceptance is withheld, because for example, you're a woman or female, rather than a male - this affects your whole identity. So you understand then, if there's a lack of nurture; even a simple thing like being prematurely born, and then put in an incubator for a while - that will affect the child.

Being separated from a mother affects the child. I know, I've gone through both of those. It affects you deeply, because the bonding that should have happened doesn't happen. The nurture that should have happened, doesn't happen; and then you're affected, and wounded, and come to conclusions about yourself, and life. Demons use all that to manipulate and torment you. Lack of touch and affection affects people - lack of just affection, just a hug and a touch. Some families don't touch or don't hug; it affects the child. It's one way that love is communicated, just through touch and hugging.

A lack of affirmation (this is one of the major ones) - a father's role is to affirm and speak into the sons and daughters. When that's withheld, they don't know what to believe about themselves, so they believe the lies of the devil - that there's something wrong with them, they're not good enough, never good enough. Then they get angry, and then you've got rebellion going on, and you don't even know why it's there; but there was a withholding, of what would have nurtured the plant. You know, I have trouble with plants! I don't know what happens, I have them one day, and then they're dead. I don't know what happens. Somehow they die, and so I don't even bother now, it's just too hard for me. I'm just not into it - but you understand, they didn't die because it was a bad place or anything. They're in a lovely place and lots of sun, it's just the thing they needed wasn't given. They didn't get the water.

Simple - so you can hurt people if you don't give them the right things. Lack of welcome, just the lack of celebration; just a child unwanted, and then being unwelcome because of some shortfalls or whatever, or difficulties - all of that has dramatic affect on the heart of the child. So these are some of the ways that people get hurt, and Jesus came to heal it. He came to heal it! Do you realise that one of the things Jesus took for us was a broken heart?

In Psalm 69 it tells us: "Reproach has broken my heart. I sought for comfort and there was none, for help and no one would help".

I just weep when I read it, even sharing it, that actually the treatment that Jesus received broke His heart. It's how He can heal broken hearts - he's represented our broken heart. He's taken our pain to the cross. He took all of those things to the cross.

So what would be some keys? I think the first thing is to recognise: it's a journey you take.

Psalm 84:4-6 - "Blessed is the man whose strength is in the Lord, whose heart embraces pilgrimage or the journey, who passes through the Valley of Tears, and makes it into a well. That person will go from strength to strength."

So what it's saying simply is: there is a process, we walk with God and in that journey, when we let Him heal the places of pain, they become a place we can comfort others. So whatever hurt you, whatever came into your life that damaged and hurt you - if you'll let God into it to heal you, not only will your life change, you will be empowered to help others. Someone is waiting for your breakthrough. Someone needs you to break through, to testify of the reality of the power of the Risen Christ. Someone needs you to do that; and if you will hold back, then you're not only perpetuating the pain; you're multiplying its impact, rather than experiencing healing and being able to minister to someone else.