That's it, taking the initiative. It means setting a personal example. Men, let me just ask you this. Does the way you conduct yourself, inspire a woman to follow you? The way you speak, and act, and carry on - is she embarrassed by you? Is she embarrassed to be with you, because of how you handle yourself? Do you make a fool of yourself, your attitudes, the way you conduct your life, the way you speak? Are you setting an example for your wife and your family to follow - because that's what leadership is? You've got to take initiative, you've got to take responsibility, got to set an example, set the pace. If you're not a prayer, why would anyone else pray? Just letting the weight fall somewhere else. Be an example in these areas, so begin to ask, think about your example, and we're going to get more specific in some of these areas - oh I can see the men now, you'll think you've got a case of worms you'll feel so uncomfortable but its okay. [Laughter] A dose of the word of God will fix you up wonderfully. You just need drenching, that's all. [Laughter] Come from the farming community, when the sheep get troubled, they get drenched, it sorts out what's inside. Next week we're going to do that, we're going to talk about men and women being reconciled to one another, and it'll be a good chance to drench out all the worms that get inside us, and give us funny attitudes to one another, that stop us flowing together.
So first the first principle, the principle of headship; now the second principle, Ephesians 5:31. We've already touched on this one, so I won't go too far with it. It's the principle of bonding, God's principle or law of bonding; so let me describe it, and we'll see how it outworks. So for those women who are single, if you're looking for a man, find one who'll take responsibility. Find one who's connected to God and prays, because if those things aren't there, how's he going to lead you? How will he lead you in God? How will he give leadership, if he doesn't know God, he doesn't pray to God, he doesn't talk to God? How could he lead you? If he won't take responsibility for his mistakes, he's too proud to admit he made a mistake, how will he take responsibility in the home? You'll be the one to blame for everything, so look for a man who takes responsibility, and connects with God. That'd be a good start to look for, wouldn't it?
Okay, here's the second quality. This is the principle of bonding. It says, Verse 31: this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, the two of them shall become one flesh. And this is a mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Now He's talking here about God's law of bonding. Now God has set a principle in place, because we're not just body and soul, we actually have a spirit, it is possible for two people's lives to begin to flow together, and begin to bond together. Spiritually, we can bond, we can come connected by certain things. God has designed certain things, so that when we do them, we begin to bond with people, and then this applies. It's just a law, and one of the things that God has set in place, is when two people are involved sexually, they become bonded to one another, soul-tied to one another, connected to one another. So sexual intimacy is an important part in marriage, of maintaining a bonding, or a closeness. Sexual intimacy will actually strengthen the bonding of a husband and a wife.
Now the Bible tells us in this, there's another thing that we can do that helps us bond as well. The Bible says: a man must leave, and then cleave; so before you can cleave, you have to leave some things. One of the things you've got to leave, you've got to leave some things behind from your home. You've got to leave unresolved issues. You've got to deal with issues with your parents, because if you've got attitudes against father and mother, you carry baggage in, and you'll have trouble connecting with your wife. So we talked about a man needing to be freed, and leave behind the defilements of previous relationships, sexual encounters, and things that have come through from his family background, generational things that defile him, and stop him cleaving to his wife. If a man has been involved sexually with others, it's hard for him to bond intimately with his wife, because he's got all the junk in his life; but when he comes to Christ, opens his life for ministry, and begins to renounce and put off those things - that means you get rid of the photos, you get rid of everything, so you can cleave and become one.