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Loving Leadership (5 of 5)

Mike Connell

That means you don't have any secret pictures, secret books, secret videos, secret chat rooms on the internet. You have no one else but your wife, as the one you will bond to; and of course we have to guard because today, there's so many pressures and temptations to bond elsewhere. We shared quite a few ways that could happen. Now in order to bond with your wife, one is regular sexual relationship; but the other is that you open your hearts to one another, because the Bible tells us in Matthew 6:21, where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. So when you begin to take what is precious to you, and invest it into a relationship with someone, you begin to bond. That law of bonding works, you get two people working together and they share their hearts, their struggles, their fears, their concerns. They begin to bond. Some guys in the military together, they have to stand together, they have to connect together, they flow together, have experiences together, they begin to form a bonding, that sometimes lasts for life.

So the law of bonding becomes activated the moment you invest, treasure - invest those things into your wife, you make a sacrifice, because with that sacrifice, there comes a treasure investment into your wife. So putting that simply, here's a couple of things you need to do, here's the first one: you need to have time together, you need to have quality time together. That's not sitting watching the TV or reading a paper or anything like that. It's actually time to talk, and meet, and interact. One thing that can help do that, is you actually do something together, go for a walk together, begin to play a game together, go out on a date together, how wonderful. We went up and stood by the fountain and watched the lovely lights change [laughter]. We went up onto Bluff Hill. You have to do something you know, it just doesn't happen by chance. You actually have to make time and sacrifice, so go dating together. I used to have a date with my children, because we had pressure of ministry, I had six children, it was very, very difficult, so each child had a day, and we had a time together so you begin to look forward to it, and you plan what you can do together. You begin to build anticipation, then you invest time and you begin to share. Now you've got to actually share something you both enjoy doing together, so we found there's a variety of things that the kids liked and we could do that.

Now you begin to bond as you do things together. You get tenting, it's a bonding form, so you go on family holidays, bonding forms in those things. Have family meals, it's to bond. It's because if you don't do it, you'll fly apart. You fly apart, not because you want to, but just because you're neglected, so it requires sacrifice. You can't build a unity, and a bonding in a relationship, without a sacrificial giving. You have to invest into it somewhere, and that means giving something that's precious, and so it maybe a gift. I gave my wife a lovely anniversary gift, and as I gave it to her - it cost me heaps - I felt a deep love for her arising [laughs] in my life. [Laughter] She's wearing it today. But see, it's that it represents something of you. You give it, and it produces the bonding, but with that there needs to be talking, and that means sharing beyond superficial, sharing your heart and your feelings, beginning to take enough time that you open up. Now a lot of guys don't do that. [grunting sound 00.26.47] That's all you get out of them. That's not good enough. All some wives get from their husbands, is grunts, [makes grunting sound 00.26.56] That's a shocking thing.

She depends on you, for a source of stimulation in her thinking and emotions, and all you go is [makes grunting sound 00.27.07]. That's not good enough! Yes, that's right, turn off the television, light a candle, have some supper together. Sit next to one another, whatever it is, those kinds of things. You've got to think about them. Be creative. You don't need to have a great amount of money, but you do need to be creative, and anyway, what it does involve, is that you do things together. So I remember when we were dating, we got up early and went fishing, and had breakfast on the wharf. Isn't that lovely? Well I thought it was lovely anyway, I had a great time. [Laughter] We used to do all sorts of things. I used to take her out to a place called Selenis, where they have some violin played at the table, any song you like. It was wonderful. I still remember it - violins still move my heart. Why? Because there's an investment.