Introduction:
· Matthew 22:36-40 - “Love the Lord your God with all your heart … love your neighbour as yourself”
· The benchmark for loving others is … ‘as you love yourself’
· ‘As = 5613 = in the same manner as the one following
· ‘Love’ = 25 = to regard the welfare of, to take pleasure in, to treat as a special prize
· How you relate to and treat yourself greatly impacts how you relate and treat others
· What do you believe about yourself? Are you lovable? Are you acceptable?
· What you believe about yourself will be revealed in how you live your life in relationships
The Foundation of your Value as a Person:
a) Base your personal value on the Word of God:
i) Genesis 1:26 - “You are made in the image of God”, good
· You may be damaged by sin but you are still of great value – made in the image of God
ii) 1 Peter 1:18-19 - “You are redeemed by the precious Blood of Jesus”
· Redeem = 3084 = to ransom, to pay a price to release someone from captivity
· The value of something is revealed by the price to purchase it – someone willing to pay
· What do you base your value as a person on? What God says about me (internal) or hat people, circumstances say about me (external), how I performed?
b) Humility means to ‘Agree with God’:
· Romans 12:3 - “I say through the grace given to me to everyone who is among you to think of himself more highly than he ought to think but to think soberly as God has dealt with each one a measure of faith”
· This is addressed to everyone
i) “Don’t think of himself more highly than ought to”
· ‘Think’ = 5252 = to esteem oneself over much, be vain or arrogant, more high than is
· How do you think about yourself?
· Pride has two phases:
1. Superiority, arrogance = preoccupied with ‘self’ – ‘all about me’
= insensitive and unaware of others
= override the boundaries of others
2. Inferiority, false humility = neglect or despise or reject self
= overly sensitive to everyone else
= let others override your boundaries
· In both situations the view of self is distorted – not agreeing with God
ii) “Think soberly”, clearly
· Soberly = 4993 = to be of sound mind, moderate, not under the influence of drugs
· Think soberly = agree with God about your identity and value
= regard the welfare of, treat as a special prize
· Based on faith – what God says about you in the Word, by the Spirit and the Feedback of Others
· Philippians 2:13 – “… esteem others better than yourself”
· ‘Better’ = 5242 = to excel, hold in a position above eg Jesus
· Place a right value on yourself – then value others more highly, when you are secure in your own value, then you can place value on and serve others. Otherwise – serving + loving is motivated by intent to gain personal value
· Think and know what God says about you. You are valuable and of much value
Key aspects of ‘Loving Yourself’, not to be full of yourself:
· Love = to regard the welfare of, take pleasure in, treat as a special prize
i) Discover who you are:
· John 13:3 - Jesus knew who He was – he was clear in his identity, and able to serve
· Who are you? Most people define themselves by their role eg teacher, businessman
· You need to discover who you really are!
- what God says - your choice - your loves
- your feelings - your hurts - your hates
- your attitudes - your giftings/talents - your values
- your behaviours - your desires - your dreams
Evaluate in the light of God’s Word and the promptings of the Holy Spirit
eg Peter
· When you know these things about yourself you have a good sense of who you are
· If you bury or hide these things about yourself no one really knows you
· What do you want?
ii) Communicate who you are to others:
· John 6:63-66 - Jesus communicated who he was and what he believed
· You must learn to speak openly and directly to people
- I think - I want - I won’t - I don’t know - I will
- when you... - I need - Yes/No - I feel - I’m sorry
· When you communicate directly you value and prize yourself
· When you do not communicate you do not value yourself and remain isolated
iii) Invest in your personal growth:
· Luke 2:42-47 - Jesus cultivated his inner life and knowledge and skills to fulfill His purpose He invested in His own personal growth and development. He took 30 years of preparation before 3 years of ministry
· Love yourself = value yourself enough to invest in personal growth
· Luke 2:52 - Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and men
· Invest in skills, develop, character, communication skills, relationships
· Develop your knowledge, thought life, health and fitness, spirit life
· Invest in resolving inner conflicts – Romans 12:2
iv) Take personal responsibility for your choices:
· John 17:4 - Jesus took responsibility for his life – fulfilling his call
· You are who you are because of choices you made – reaping
· Love yourself = stop blaming, thinking and acting as a victim
= take ownership of choices, good and bad
= take ownership of what is in your soul – it is yours
· Once you take ownership you can take control of your choices – what you do
· External circumstances are not under your control – your response to them is
· Romans 14:12
v) Learn to set limits or boundaries:
· Mark 1:35 - Jesus resisted the pressure of the crowd
· Mark 6:31 - Jesus set limits and boundaries
· A boundary is a property line – defining where you end - what is yours
· It is up to you to set boundaries and limits or what you accept so you protect yourself
· When others act irresponsibly you can set limits
Boundaries define who you are:
· No one can devalue you unless you agree with defining value by how people treat you
· People can treat you badly = ‘I have no value’
= ‘They are behaving badly’
· If you allow yourself to feel devalued = you have defined your value outside rather than inside
· If you define yourself externally – possessions, people, performance, then when these things change your value and identity changes
· What to do:
1) Guard your thoughts
2) Feedback to the person how you feel, change
3) Refuse the behaviour as it happened
4) Withdraw
· ‘Love yourself’ then love others as you love yourself!