So of course I had these problems inside me all the time, I couldn't worship, couldn't let go, I wasn't free until I dealt with the inner vow. You would never think now of course that, but on the other hand, that was what was there. There was just a deep shame and a struggle I was facing in early teenage years, and singing just exemplified for me, just being on display and exposed. I just did not want to have that kind of exposure. I made an inner vow not to do it. I remember praying with another woman, and she'd had a number of miscarriages, and she'd asked me to come and pray for her. I remember going there thinking God, this is so distressing, what do we do? I don't know what to do. The Lord said, the child she's losing is a boy, all of them have been boys. Tell her to ask her father to pray for her. That's all He told me, so I got there to the place, and we tried to comfort the couple. They were losing a child again, and there's a number of miscarriages. I said, what do you think the child is? She said I think it's a boy. Oh really, that's interesting. I said what about the other one? Actually I think they were all boys. I said well I tell you what, your father's a Christian. I said how do you get on with your father? She said oh fine, I love my dad and he loves me, actually I'm his favourite, and so I'm thinking, and I said: why don't you get your dad to pray for you then? No, I wouldn't do that! I said really, there's a lot of reaction there, what's going on in there?
So we began to talk, and then it turns out the family was incredibly dysfunctional, and the marriage was in problem, and the father had connected in an unhealthy way to one daughter, and the mother to the other daughter, and both daughters were messed up in different ways; one, because of the parents had transferred what should have been the intimacy of marriage, and put it on the child, and shared things they should never have shared, so the child felt controlled. I said did you ever, at any time, make an inner vow, I'll never carry a male child? She stopped and looked, she said yes, I did, I remember it clearly. She had made an inner vow, I'll never carry a male child, and so each child that she had, she just miscarried. Her body literally outworked the vow, and I believe behind it was a demonic spirit - so of course there are many other examples of things like that. But inner vows, vows spoken and made within, they're usually made in a time of pressure, stress, emotional pain, and/or loss, or tragedy in a relationship, and they often begin I'll never do that, I'll never do that.
Can anyone think of doing that, can anyone think that? Isn't it amazing. Can you remember what you said? Now just stop for a moment, and think back to when you made that inner vow. Were you in pain and stress at that time? See, well if you haven't actually come and addressed that, it's still operative, and so you'll have a block in your life to flowing into that area, because a demonic spirit will lock onto it, and hold you in bondage in that area. You'll try, later on you'll put it aside. It's like something you remember from way back. Now let me ask you this question: when you think about that area you made the inner vow, how many of you really have broken through to freedom in that area now? See, you may find not so many are free. It's like, I've got a struggle - how many would struggle still in that area? It's like I've got to really work at that. The fact you've got to work at it, and it doesn't flow naturally indicates a block. Things that we're free in, should flow in our life. When they're blocked, and the flow is blocked you know, or there's a resistance, there's something causing the resistance. What is it? If it's the inner vow why don't you just deal with it and address it, come and open your heart and acknowledge God, these things have happened to me. Lord, I was in such pain and grief, I just renounce that inner vow right now. I choose life. Amen.
So when we come back after lunch we'll start to go through some areas, and have a time of just some ministry, and see what God does. It'll be an interesting time to see what the Lord does. Amen - nothing like learning it through experience yourself and then you think ooh wow! [Laughs] Okay then, so there's another bondage of the heart which is a very common one too, and that is a bitter judgement, bitter-root judgements, or bitter expectations. It's like a negative belief that things are going to happen, and so in Hebrews 12, Verses 14 and 15, it says don't let bitterness get in your heart. It says something like this: let no man fall from the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness spring up. Now whenever you're in conflict you can either act in judgement, or grace. You can either bless people, and let it go, or you can judge people, and become bitter. That's really the options, so if you are in a conflict situation and you begin to judge, you often open the way then for things to happen, or a cycle to take place in your life.